I hope today’s message finds you in a really good place in your life. Ya know, we’ve been talking a lot about entitlement lately. And man, when I first encountered that topic years ago when I first taught Grooming the Next Generation for Success, I didn’t even know half of what I thought I knew.
See, entitlement is generally pointed toward the kids of today’s world, that they are an ‘entitled generation’.
But recently I have been so convicted in my heart, that even I have been a part of that entitlement generation. I’m not talking about when I was growing up. I’m talking about as a wife. Entitlement isn’t just in the kids today.
You have to ask yourself, "Where did the kids learn this attitude of, ‘you owe me’ or ‘I deserve that’ or ‘I want that, therefore you should give it to me’?" Where did they learn this?
Kids don’t come with owner’s manuals…
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but giving birth and simply hoping your kids turn out okay isn’t exactly the best parenting style out there. Unfortunately, that’s the plan most people are following. Kids don’t come with owner’s manuals, so it’s up to us parents to raise well-rounded, successful kids. That can seem totally unrealistic and out of reach sometimes, but there’s no need to feel overwhelmed. There is only a need to get equipped! Click here for the next best thing to an owner’s manual…
I hate to say it, and I really hope you’re ready for this…
They’ve learned it from the parents. Not just from the television that we allow them to watch. It’s not just through the music they listen to or the movies they watch. They learn it through our own attitudes.
So today I have a message for both fathers & mothers, as well as husbands & wives.
There’s one area that I’ve really noticed entitlement, and it’s with the relationship between the man and the woman – especially in a situation where she is allowed to stay at home full-time to rear the children and manage the home and prepare meals, and he is working full-time, conquering the world and bringing in a paycheck. There seems to be a little bit of entitlement from the wives to the husbands, that she expects that he’s going to provide.
You really have to ask yourself, if you are a wife and your husband is providing for the family and you are home, how often do you thank him from the depths of your heart and show that gratitude and deep appreciation for all that he’s doing for his family every single day? For all that he’s putting up with every single day at work or with his business? All the stress that he endures and all the problems he has to solve? The issues that arise that take him off of a task or that derail him from reaching his goal? And what is he doing it all for?
I know, as a wife, I’ve misjudged my husband many times. I’ve said things like, ‘your work life is all about you’ and ‘how great for you, that you get to go conquer the world and I have to stay home changing diapers and doing laundry’ and ‘how awesome that you get to follow your dream, while I’m stuck here with all of these kids who are throwing up everywhere or having diarrhea or bad-mouthing or back-talking or fighting with each other, and it’s never-ending.‘
I remember feeling that way in my 4 years of being retired. Hans was working hard to provide for our family, and yet, I had the worst attitude about it. Not only was I not thankful and not appreciative of him, but I misjudged him.
I believe that what’s at the core of a man, the way they were wired by the Great Designer, was to work hard on behalf of his wife and his children and to provide for them. And for what? For the appreciation he would receive from her and them.
So I encourage you today to really appreciate the one who is working hard to provide for the family.
You may be saying ‘But Dani, I work too…’
Listen, I work part-time. I work 20 hours a week, and my husband works full-time running 5 companies. But that still does not change this equation!
Even if you are a woman and a contributor to the household, that very attitude of ‘Well, I’m helping to pay for things. I’m helping to pay the bills. I’m helping to move our family forward, and I’m taking care of the kids, and I’m doing the laundry, and I’m doing this, that, and the other’ is what I’m talking about! It does not give you the right to not thank the other contributor to the household. And what does that teach our children? To not appreciate the contributors of the household.
And same for you husbands. Ya know, women – especially stay-at-home mothers – are making major sacrifices. Some of those mothers’ greatest dream is to be home with the kids. But for other mothers, it’s not. It’s not what they thought it was going to be. It’s harder than they thought it was going to be. This is why a lot of women choose to go to work (and that’s another topic for another time).
But even you husbands, if you are bringing home the bacon, and the agreement is that she cooks it up, that doesn’t give the husband the right to not deeply appreciate what she is sacrificing on a daily basis to help groom the children for success, to help keep the home in order, and to prepare meals and create a home that is a sanctuary for everyone to live in.
Appreciation, thanksgiving, and gratitude does not come natural for any of us, but it is something that must be taught to our children, and something we must teach ourselves. We must make sure we keep it in the forefront of our minds, our mouths, and our hearts.
Appreciation, thanksgiving, and gratitude pulls the best out of each one of us. It pulls the best out of you, and it also keeps it in the forefront of the children’s mind, as well as your spouse.
So today, I want you to focus on really appreciating your spouse and the one who contributes to the household. Really focus on setting that example for your children.
Don’t forget, if you are not diligently grooming your children for success, you are absolutely grooming them for failure. If you haven’t read the book Grooming the Next Generation for Success or gone through the Home Study Program, DO IT! Don’t wait! Every day that slips by is another day that you could be setting your family up for greatness instead of setting them up like 98% of the population who will end up dead or dead broke by the age of 65.
Tomorrow I want to share with you a second piece to this message. It will take this idea of beating entitlement with appreciation, thanksgiving, and gratitude to a whole new level. It will change the way you work, and it will set you up for massive success in 2013.
I’m so excited to see you grasp this concept and really run with it. I’d love to hear how this message impacts you. Please let me know by leaving me a comment here on this page. I can’t wait to hear from you!
Be sure to look for my email tomorrow, where I will continue this message! And until then, God bless!
In great faith,






Dani, I have followed you for 20 years. Been blessed to have been close to you and have lessened from afar too. Your msg is true and I believe it to my core!! I now have 6 kids and ages 16-12yrs crazy what they hear at home, school, parents and church. I am very thankful you put your heart into opening our hearts and minds to be called on it!! Love you!! Ccoo
Wow, I was not quite expecting that, and yet in my heart I knew you were completely speaking the truth. What a powerful revelation and an opportunity for me to change the course of entitlement in my family. Although I love your message, I have a feeling this will be more than just a superficial behavioral change, but something that I will need to transform in my mind and heart. Having given up a lucrative career to raise and homeschool my children, I have felt entitled many times and in many ways to be appreciated myself instead of appreciating my husband who shoulders the burden of our financial, spiritual, and physical well being. Well said and I cannot wait for part 2.
So very true…I definitely needed to hear that!! THANK YOU for properly equipping so many of us
Hi Dani,
GREAT and timely message for me. Pause to think more. Of late I have needed to step up my hours in the work place and I was feeling a sense of anger and sadness because I never had to really worry about finances before. My husband could always take care of us w/ me working part time. Now I wonder how often…if ever I truly thanked him for that? I will before I go to bed tonight!
Thanks,
Brigid
Dear Dani, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. And yes I too have been very remiss in this area. He is still working part time to help provide at age 73,as we are now pensioners, but continue to help our 10 children & their families. At one time I did need to go back to work part time (nursing) as my Husband was sick. But it was less than satisfactory, as I DO believe, & always wanted to be, a stay at home Mum. But sometimes the ideal does not work out, does it? However Divine Providence took great care of us all. I now work from Home in a health & wellness business.which is also helping us. But I am thankful that we persevered home schooling, as all our children are well balanced,industrious, & respectful. They are all God fearing, & live by the 10 Commandments.
Dani when are you coming to Australia again? I missed out last time you came.
God Bless you & your loved ones, & pray that you all have a Blessed Christmas & New Year.
Sincerely yours
Kathleen McAuliffe. Victoria Australia
Dani, I have never heard a woman express this before. I believe most men feel a great deal of pressure to provide and want to be appreciated for it. It was a major source of sourness in both of my failed marriages. I never got the appreciation and I failed to give it often enough. It isn’t good enough to think it, you have to say it.
The skills you teach are invaluable in this regard- priceless.
Thanks for doing what you do,
Michael
This was written for me!…. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, im so grateful you shared this.. I always wanted to be a career women and never dreamed of staying home with 5 children… I was bitter angry and ungrateful towards my husband…. Funny thing is that my husband rather stay home with the family and I realized that before God gives you your desires you need to surrender them to him before you can move on…. I know im exactly were God wants me to be…even though im not thrilled… but God wanted my attitude to change which is more important in than my situation. thanks Dani for that timely message
Dani, I would like to share this little story about forgiveness. My Husband & I attended a forum a few weeks ago about addressing the issue of chlid sex abuse by Clergy & Others. I was speaking with one of the Victims whose story is UNBELIEVABLE. But he said He holds no grudges as he meditates on the OUR FATHER. The last part, as you will know ” FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FOGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US” He also advised what Jesus said ” render to Caeser the things that are Caesers, & to God the things that are Gods”. In other words render to the predators the things that they are responsible for, & move on in Peace with God. But dont blame God. We all have free will to choose GOOD v EVIL.God Bless
Dani,
Powerful word of truth and light going to the root of entitlement that steals, kills, and destroys life and love out lives and hearts. Coming from a women of integrity makes it all the more powerful.
Blessings
Wow Dani, thanks so much! I have always felt I work too hard, making so much sacrifice at work and at home and did’t think I was getting good appreciation,so I do not show appreciation to my spouse, and he always says it. I have read “Grooming d next generation for success” and had to share the personality types with my husband cos we have an Emrald and a Sapphire…you are a blessing! I will show more appreciation. By the way, I leave in Nigeria.
Thanks Dani for this piece. Got to save it for my mother. May be she can pick something here too.
I find it ironic this is showing up just as I am experiencing the same discovery. My new job as a business advocate was so up-lifiting as the man that I work for has a heart to bring more to all he is around and it fills me up with Gods favor so now I am sending out cards daily to take the Gratitude Challenge and it feels great!
I have often asked myself where did my son get the attitude of entitlement. Now I know! I will definetly make changes in my household!