I know you’ve probably heard that you can’t change other people. There have been lots of people who have said that. You’ve probably had other people try to change you, as well. But I want to bring that topic to light in a different way today.
The fact is, you cannot change people. And you cannot convince other people to change. You can’t convince them to feel different than they feel.
Through my early years of being in business, I tried to convince people that my product was the best product they would ever get their hands on, and the opportunity in front of them was the best opportunity they’d ever have. But the more I tried to convince people of these things, the more they would run in the opposite direction!
When you try to convince people, or you try too hard to close them on whatever it is you want them to do or how you want them to think, they will dig their heels into the ground and will not go along with you. That’s just how people work.
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Or it may look like this: You actually change who you are in order to convince another person. You may even put yourself in a situation where you are begging and groveling, or even kissing up to the person in order to get them to say yes.
You could be trying to convince your spouse to get on board with paying off your debt, but you’re getting a lot of resistance. Or maybe you’re trying to convince your boss to go along with your idea of how to grow the sales of the company. You’re really excited about it, and you keep pushing to try to convince them. You’ve given them the facts and figures, but you are getting nowhere.
So then you get frustrated with that person. At this stage, people often try to convince others using sarcasm or manipulation. You then resort to begging and groveling.
Have you ever done that? I know the answer is yes – we’ve all done it! But tell me, how well does that work? It doesn’t! Even if you’ve successfully convinced someone to do something, they only did it to shut you up! And if that’s the only reason they said yes, they didn’t actually make the decision to buy your product or service or to go along with the new management plan you presented at work.
They bought into the mindset of, "I’ve got to shut this person up and get them off my back!" That’s what you were selling them! They were NOT sold on what you think you were selling. They may give in for a little while, but they will eventually go right back to their original opinion.
I hope you’re understanding me today. If you are trying to convince other people to do something, it will not work. Even if they say yes one day, you will have to convince them again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
Begging and convincing and kissing up to someone, all to close a deal or make a sale, will not lead to long-term success. It will not build your confidence. Manipulating people will destroy your confidence.
If you have a tendency to convince through manipulation or begging, you may want to evaluate yourself. A lot of people do this without even realizing it. So take an honest look at yourself today, and look for how you can improve in this area. Ask yourself, "What skills do I need to be able to communicate in a way that is not manipulative? What skills will help me communicate my point without people feeling pressured? What will help me to bring others to agreement without having to beg them?"
You can learn a new skill, and you can learn a new way of communicating with people that builds your confidence and creates a mutually beneficial relationship.
When you learn a more mature and professional way of communicating, you will find that you are able to close more deals and actually create long-term success for yourself. Then when the other person says yes, you don’t have to worry about them changing their mind. They made the decision on their own and they are ‘all in’ because of the way you communicated – NOT because you begged or convinced them.
So what is the right way to close someone on something, whether it’s at work or at home? How do you build your confidence instead of destroying it?
You confidently present your product, service, or idea, knowing that you have worked with diligence and excellence, to the best of your ability. At that point, I leave the rest up to God! (This is how I choose to live. You can live whichever way you want.)
I don’t want something at the expense of someone else who doesn’t want to be part of it. I don’t want to be the one who manipulates people and causes bitterness and resentment in other people. I hate manipulation with a passion. So do not beg and convince! That robs you of your confidence.
So if you want to build your confidence, stand firm and have faith that you will make it! Have faith that it’s going to work, regardless of whether or not this one person agrees with you or is against you, and you will see results in your business, career, and even your relationships.
I think it’s safe to say that most people you and I know could probably benefit from this message today. Whether they are the ones trying to convince and manipulate other people, or they have been on the other side of this equation. So go ahead and forward this letter to them, or even share the link on Facebook and Twitter.
Also, don’t forget to join me for Double Whammy Wednesday! I’ll be talking with you live on the air twice – first on the radio for The Dani Johnson Show at 12 pm ET/11 am CT, and then again at 8 pm ET/7 pm CT for the Spiritual Equipipng Broadcast! Check the sidebar for details, and I’ll catch you then!
In great faith,
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