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You CANNOT “fix” other people, but as you relate to the people in your life, you CAN change YOUR thoughts, words & actions…and THAT what will make a world of difference!
Have you ever had someone in your life who just drove you crazy? You honestly try, but just can’t figure out why they do what they do? Whatever it is may not even be bad… just different. Sometimes it seems like people are speaking a completely foreign language or born on another planet!
All different types of people, personalities and circumstances fill this world. And when it comes to dealing with all these diverse people, you may be focusing on the wrong part of the equation. Tackling problems can seem so much easier when you try to fix the people… and this will get you absolutely NOWHERE!
You see, no matter how hard you may try – you simply CANNOT control people, change their words, influence their actions, or fix them. The only things you can control are your own actions and your reactions to other people. Your REAL power lies in how you deal with people… it can change an environment or situation, and even set you up for promotion.
You see, every person on earth has strengths AND weaknesses. And that includes you! If you can’t identify your own weakness, you will NEVER get promoted in life. Even worse, if you only focus on the weaknesses of others, you cause them to run from you! Whether you mean to or not, when you’ve decided to “fix” someone, it naturally triggers their defenses, backs them into a corner and forces them to “prove” themselves. (Think about it – don’t you feel the same way, when it seems someone else is trying to fix you?)
I remember a caller we had on The Dani Johnson Show one time – her name was Angela. This woman worked her butt off to learn all these different programs for her job. And while she worked the best she could, she was dyslexic, and eventually was still let go. Angela did a lot of things right, but she wasn’t perfect… and she understood that!
Now, if you found yourself in this situation, your gut reaction might be to go on the defensive, get your feelings all hurt by the layoff and find someone or something to blame. But instead, ask yourself: “Why was I laid off?” Let’s face it, NO ONE is perfect or without weaknesses… even you and ME!
It can be hard to really take an honest look at ourselves and ask, “What could I have done better?” But this is SO important… and not just after we’ve experienced something like a job loss or major relationship challenge.
In fact, if you get into the habit of asking yourself, What can I do better today?” you will begin to find ways to improve daily, and THAT will set you up for long-term success. It will even help you avoid some of those bigger problems and challenges, in the first place!
Right after speaking with Angela, I thought about that very question. At the time, I was still homeschooling two of my boys, and while it was their responsibility to do well in school, the bottom line is, their work was my responsibility. (Luckily, ALL of my children are DONE with school now! My youngest graduated earlier this year – at 16 years old!) So, I sat down and honestly thought about four things I could do better in that area of my life.
First on my list of improvements was accountability. Because I had not been accountable to my sons and their tutor, they were behind in two subjects. That resulted in major frustration for everyone involved! But ultimately, no matter how frustrated I was, it was my own fault. The worst part is, we actually reached this point nearly every year!
Weak leadership wants to blame the tutor, but a higher level of leadership looks at how to improve a situation.
You want one great, simple trick to eliminate the frustration and confusion when communicating with people, whether it’s your boss or coworkers, your spouse or children, your friends or anyone else you encounter? Ask questions!
If you begin feeling frustrated, simply try asking, “What can I do to help (this relationship, job) improve?” As an employer, I can’t begin to tell you how much leadership and maturity this shows. Can you see how this simple question could relieve the frustration in your life and set you up for promotion?
Honestly, how far do you think “pity parties” and playing the “victim role” will get you in life? Do you ever try to dodge the responsibility and act like a victim? Here’s the truth: Victims will always be victimized. You can’t allow yourself to go there!
Instead, choose to take responsibility and do your part to change the situation – NOT the person! Remember, you CANNOT “fix” other people, but as you relate to the people in your life, you CAN change your thoughts, words and actions… and THAT what will make a world of difference!
This week, together let’s work on taking responsibility and reaching that higher level of leadership. What is one thing you could be doing better to improve your daily life? Let me know in the comments below!
And don’t forget to join me today for The Dani Johnson Show for more valuable insights and inspiration. You can find the show on your TV and radio and please remember you can always stream today’s show right here on our website.
In great faith,
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