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4 Easy Steps To Make Sure You Are Understood

Communication provides an essential key to EVERY relationship in your life – not just your marriage – but also in business, work, your community and your family...even small, "insignificant" conflicts CAN become a big hairy MESS!

Tell me if this sounds familiar…

You spend your day consumed by taking care of the kids, work, chores, errands.

At the end of the day, when you finally get a moment with your spouse, you’re both so exhausted, maybe stressed about finances, or resentful your partner hasn’t done more to help. You try to talk, but it seems like everything you say sparks an argument. Then… your spouse shuts down, and instead of tackling the root of this issue, you just pretend nothing ever happened.

So you go to bed and fall asleep hugging separate sides of the bed. You feel distant, disconnected and simply worn out. You find yourself blaming the other person for everything that goes wrong. Or you’ve just resigned yourself to an “okay” marriage. Or, maybe you’re ready to just throw in the towel and start over.

It’s NOT supposed to be this way. 

If you struggle to feel understood in your marriage, or ANY relationship really, keep reading… because I’m sharing steps you can take RIGHT NOW – TODAY – to totally eliminate miscommunications.

And, if your life looks a LOT like the description above, you’re certainly not alone.

Recently, we put a survey on Facebook and I was BLOWN AWAY. We had over…

500 PEOPLE respond!

Take a look at just a few of the responses we got back:

Communication provides an absolutely essential key to EVERY relationship in your life – not just in your marriage – but also in business, at work, in your community and with your family.

The benefits of good communication are endless. Good, clear communication allows you to get MORE done, in LESS time and helps to cultivate a whole culture of respect.

So take these skills and put them into action, to overcome ANY communication snafus causing stress in your life.

[RELATED: “What Is Poor Communication COSTING You?” This episode of The Dani Johnson Show will help to create a culture of good communication, guaranteed to make a difference in every area of your life!]

Resolve Conflicts…With Just FOUR Steps

Here’s the reality – conflicts happen. Disagreements, misunderstandings and arguments happen, at home and in the workplace.

Conflicts can ruin relationships, break trust, cause stress and keep you stuck in a rut. That’s why it’s vital to learn how to effectively confront the issues arising in your everyday life.

What most people do is try to hide their issues or even run from them. They avoid talking to the other person or simply ignore the conflict, pretending it doesn’t exist.

But I’m here to tell you, ignoring these things does NOT make them go away! Even small, “insignificant” conflicts can become a big hairy MESS, if you do not confront them and resolve it.

For a lot of people – In fact, most people – even dealing with conflicts can be uncomfortable. Maybe you’re…

  • Afraid to bring up the issue, because you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
  • So angry about the issue, you can’t sleep at night and have this ugly, hateful anger bubble up inside you, every time you even THINK about the situation or person.
  • Someone who simply hates confrontation and would much rather just let the issue go, instead of dealing with it.

But here’s the truth about confronting conflicts: When you confront the issue, you position yourself as a true leader in your home, in your workplace or in your community. It may not be comfortable, but it is so necessary!

That’s why I want to share a few steps to make conflict resolution simple – by completely removing the guesswork! And the best part? This process works with EVERYONE… your spouse, kids, friends, boss, employees, co-workers, clients and business partners.

(If that’s your intention, then we need to have a TALK…)

Your goal should be  RESTORATION and UNITY! The whole reason to confront the issue is to clear the air, restore the relationship, and create unity with the other person involved. You are a TEAM.

So let me hand you 4 very simple steps. These are exactly the SAME steps I use when conflicts arise in my own life and family. These are the steps I teach my clients to use. And, bottom line, these steps get RESULTS!

1. Forgive. Before you even have the conversation to confront the issue, make sure your heart is clean. Confirm you’re not harboring any anger or bitterness toward the other person.

2. Encourage. Find something positive you can use to encourage the other person. List their strengths, based on what they think they do well!

3. Take Responsibility. Have you dishonored the person in any way? Have you judged them, falsely accused them, lied to – or about – them, taken out your anger on them, gossiped about them? Do you harbor any anger and bitterness toward them? Ask for forgiveness.

4. Build a Bridge. “I’ve noticed we’ve had some tension between us. I know we both have the same goal – to see this marriage (relationship, business) – succeed. How can I communicate with you in an effective way? What can I do to help us reach our goal? What can I do to help YOU? What can I do to help you and I work together better?”

Four Tips to Eradicate Miscommunication

Even if you’re a GREAT communicator, there is ALWAYS room for improvement. As your communication skills improve, so will all of your relationships… especially your marriage! You will restore trust, intimacy and honor with your spouse!

Check out these four ways to tackle miscommunication in ANY situation or relationship:

1. Pay Attention to Your Tone of Voice. You’ve heard, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Your tone of voice communicates either honor or disrespect. It communicates confidence or fear. Sometimes we don’t even realize how we speak to others. So today, really pay attention to the way you speak and respond to others. And this includes your spouse! Are you honoring your spouse and their role in your relationship?

2. Evaluate Your Nonverbal Communication. Bet you didn’t know, 93% of communication is nonverbal. If you sit back, not smiling, with your arms crossed, your body language positively SCREAMS, “I’m not interested in what you have to say. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to listen to you.” BUT, if you’re smiling, sitting forward, and getting involved in the conversation, it promotes good communication. The other person is more receptive, pulling you into the conversation.

3. Clarify! Don’t assume you understand exactly what someone means. The phrase, “So what I hear you saying is…” will help you make sure you understand what the other person is saying. It causes you to listen carefully, knowing you will recap the conversation. If you don’t understand something, simply say, “Can you please clarify that for me?” or “What do you mean by that?”

4. Follow-up. Always follow-up! Follow-up is a key part of communication that, unfortunately, many people never do. But it’s as simple as checking back in with your spouse – or coworker, friend, boss – after working through an argument. This helps to eliminate any lingering bitterness or resentment. When the lines of communication remain open within a marriage, you establish peace, unity and harmony in your relationship.

You and I both know how painful conflicts can be – especially when they happen among the people we love or care about. I’m sure you’ve seen conflicts tear apart families and companies. You’ve heard stories from your friends, family and coworkers about issues they currently face. You’ve heard the desperation in their voices as they say, “I just don’t know what to do anymore! So-and-so is driving me crazy! I can’t stand to be around them!” YOU may even be in a situation like that right now.

You will never succeed at anything in life, if you just give up. When times get tough, it’s easy to talk yourself out of a commitment you made. But you, my friend, were not called to do what’s easy! You are called to wisdom; you are called to freedom; you are called to do the right thing!

So, as you encounter challenges in your relationships, take comfort in knowing those challenges expose an opportunity to fill any gaps in your skill sets.

And, the BEST news: A skill is simple to learn, to hone, to buy. You know how to learn a new skill. You just have to decide quitting is NOT an option. You have to decide to press ahead. You have to decide division will no longer hold any ground in your life. You’re going to cling to unity, cling to wisdom, and cling to gaining new skill sets… all to enable you to stand firm.

Friend, there IS hope. If you want to start understanding and relating better to the people in your life, I have a tool that will help you get there.

My GEMS personality system is like a secret superpower. Learn more about this secret superpower can change your life right here.

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