I was a woman who put down my husband and destroyed his manhood. I cut him down daily. I wrote him scathing letters about how much I despised him and what a worthless piece of crap he was. The result? He would go to the gym and workout five nights a week, never wanting to be around me. Can you blame him?!
But we committed ourselves to love, kindness, encouragement and FORGIVENESS. And as a result…last August we celebrated 730 days without fighting (and still counting!)
See, in the early years of our marriage, we were missing something HUGE, something absolutely fundamental to functional relationships. Something so essential to human life MISSING in the world today…
There is confusion surrounding the roles husbands and wives should each fill in their marriage today.
Our society has such a messed-up, pathetic, skewed concept of what a man is “supposed” to be. We tear men down and raise up women to positions where they are expected to carry things they were never meant to carry.
We recently posted a survey on Facebook, the results BLEW ME AWAY. We had over…
…500 PEOPLE respond!
Here are just a few of the responses we got back:
Do any of these come close to your desires for your marriage?
- You WANT to honor your husband or wife.
- You WANT to achieve all the dreams you had for your relationship and your marriage.
- You WANT to come together and develop more intimacy and enjoy the gift of sex in your marriage more often.
Wives… do you feel neglected in your marriage? Do you struggle to “do it all”? Do you long to feel loved and cherished by your husband? Do you miss feeling confident, attractive and sexy, like you did in your early days of dating? Do you remember when every day of marriage felt like a slumber party, with your best friend?
Husbands… do you constantly feel nagged by your wife? Do you feel pressure to provide for your family? Do you crave respect from your wife? Do you yearn to be trusted as the leader and head of your family? Do you want to have more sex?
Listen. We live in an extremely confused culture. We have women doing things to emasculate men… some without even realizing it.
And, on the other hand, we have men who have no idea of their role in the home, workplace and even, society. But what else could you expect?
So today, I want to share some of the things Hans and I learned, and how we began honoring each other’s roles in our marriage. I hope it will help you to discover YOUR role in your marriage and begin to truly honor your spouse.
How To Be A Husband Today
Let me tell you, Hans and I did NOT know our roles in the early days of our marriage, and we had a horrible, rocky marriage. We hated each other! I didn’t know the role of a wife, so I tried to take over the role of a husband. And, Hans was no better. He certainly didn’t know a husband’s role, so he allowed me to be pushy and domineering. We had such a terrible marriage in the beginning… simply because we didn’t understand each other’s roles.
Someone once told me, anything with two heads is a monster. And that’s exactly what our marriage was! Hans naturally had this desire to be the head of our household – what husbands are designed to be. They are ordained to lead spiritually, provisionally and relationally; they’re designed to protect their families. And yet, there I was trying to do every one of those things.
Looking back through recorded history, men have always responded to ONE thing… the call to battle. Men would fight to protect the honor and safety of their families, their loved ones, and their values. And I don’t just mean physical battles. Even starting a new business can be a battle royal, in today’s society. And leadership is a real battle. Men carry a lot of responsibility on their shoulders!
Years ago, a father from Minnesota gave me his opinion on the definition of a real man:
So true! Think about it, we symbolize the greatest man who ever walked this earth as both
a lion and a lamb! Our Savior Jesus Christ was simultaneously gentle, tender, tough and strong!
Unfortunately, men today certainly don’t get encouragement to step into these roles from our society. There is no “call to battle.” Yet, only when I began treating Hans like the man I wanted him to be, did I actually see him step up and BECOME that man. When I encouraged him, he answered the call.
Men, even if you do not get that encouragement from your wives, yet, I want you to focus on sincerely appreciating her. Appreciation, thanksgiving, and gratitude pull the best out of each of us. And it pulls the best out of YOU.
How To Be A Wife Today
Wives, if your husband provides for your family, while you work at home, how often do you thank him from the depths of your heart? Do you show gratitude and deep appreciation for all he does for his family… every single day?! For all he puts up with DAILY at work or in his business? WHY does he do it all… and do you acknowledge it?
Even if you do contribute to the household, that very attitude of “Well, I help pay for things. I help pay the bills. I’m helping to move our family forward, and taking care of the kids, and doing the laundry, and I do this, that, and the other” is exactly what I’m talking about! It doesn’t entitle you to NOT thank the other household contributor.
Truthfully, you need to know you have a role as a female. And when we follow our God-given role, we become more beautiful. More confident. More assured. More clear. And safe, which is something ALL women want. Universally, we just want to feel safe.
Let him lead, as you learn to follow. And, it may not be easy… it’s taken ME a long time to get here, I promise.
Look at what the Bible says in Proverbs 31. Use that as an example of what a woman should be. She’s a noble woman of noble character, hard to find. She buys and sells property. She conducts business. She makes money. She has others working for her. She delegates. And she raises her own children.
Honestly, none of this comes naturally. I didn’t know a man needed respect and honor. Who knew?! But that’s how God wired them. He wired them to need, long for and desire honor and respect. And in return for that honor and respect, he automatically cherishes. He then loves… and protects because he feels like a man. By giving, we get the best from them.
Friend, if you’re struggling in your marriage, if you want more than just an “okay” or “boring” marriage, or if you just want to take your marriage and life to a new level of SMOKIN’ HOT, let me tell you – there IS hope!
I go into more detail about how to succeed in marriage and understand yourself and people in general in my book, First Steps To Wealth. I am SO passionate about seeing husbands and wives come together and THRIVE in their marriages, I’m giving this book away.
Get your copy today.